Of Love and Romance

Romantic love…sweet intoxicating, giving you the highest of highs love. We all want this, and of course why shouldn’t we have it, but we must realize that this is a stage. This is not a forever position. It cannot be, will not be and should not be. This is where you start!  For those who do not realize this, they are doomed to go from one love affair to the other like a dope fiend searching for that next high. Finding someone that makes you so happy, you feel so complete and believe all your cares to be gone is beautiful but is really what’s called romantic love. Romantic love is the first stage of a romance. Romantic love weaves a spell that is nothing less than intoxicating. This is not yet real love though. If you have the strength and desire coupled with some definite substance to stick around, if there is more in this pairing, then do so because real love is yet to come.

Love is a journey, this you may have heard before. What we may not realize is though love is a journey it is a journey with much personal benefit. This journey promises us much growth, and we will definitely be challenged. It leads us in areas we don’t want to go so we can learn things we need to know. We must learn to strip love of any illusions and romance, so that it can show us what we need to know about ourselves. The pure essence of love prepares us to deal with life and relationships. The disappointments, the unfairness, and the betrayals. As I said before, love is a challenge and every time we learn to handle its challenges, we are better equipped to having successful relationships.

When you realize that to enjoy the truest gifts of love you must be challenged, you can wholly embrace the thought that the beauty and permanence of love, is the challenge. ~Catkins

If you are currently in a relationship and it is new or fairly new and you want to know if in fact you have the real thing, simply wait. While waiting, the initial stages of romance will wane. It will transition as you start to see more reality in your relationship. More ups and downs, more challenges, more differences and yes even pain. Do these substantial changes draw you closer as you go through them or are they tearing you all apart? Real love provides the soft cushion to help in these hard knocks. Real love does not dwell on these misfortunes, but quickly go past it to make sure the individuals continue to feel cared for and appreciated. It concerns itself less with issues and more with cause, where the sole purpose is to ensure the parties continue to feel loved regardless of what they may be dealing with at the moment. When you are in a union that promotes this, you will quickly realize that this is far more substantial than the heart racing, intoxicating feelings of new romance. It is like admiring a beautiful coat and being very excited to own it, but not fully appreciating it till that one cold, cold day comes around and it’s warmth protects you in the most satisfying way. When you realize that to enjoy the truest gifts of love you must be challenged, you can wholly embrace the thought that the beauty and permanence of love, is the challenge. Still wondering how to get there? Time, time will surely tell!

Peace & Light

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Love Excerpts

Love Excerpts (noun) • selecting loving words from one’s heart to cite or copy to mankind. ~Catkins ©2013

http://www.LoveExcerpts.com

Peace & Light

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Declare Your Interdependence!

If we are to evolve and survive as a species, we must declare our interdependence! Collective Knowledge is our only way forward.

 

Peace & Light

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Credits
A Declaration of Interdependence: A Cloud Film by Moxie Institute

Are expectations ruining your happiness?

Many of us do it! Even though common wisdom says not to, it will set you up for failure heartbreak even, we still do it. We can’t help but to build small, big, deep, or minor EXPECTATIONS! But, is it really that bad to have expectations? Are there appropriate times to have expectations? Since we are so prone to doing this, how could it not be something good. Well, as I am learning more and more, nothing is all bad and nothing is all good.

So the question is really, if you have expectations, what are they? What do you really want to come from them? Which ever way you choose to look at it, expectations = preconceived resentment. I say this because whether it is expecting something good to happen or something bad to happen, we have already positioned ourselves and our minds and thoughts to take the stance that if it doesn’t happen (the good) or does happen (the bad) we are in our right to be angry and resentful. If we could actually have a blanket expectation for the good or positive, and say that any outcome is a learning experience, then expectations can actually be a positive experience. Positive in that all that time spent believing that something personally positive is just as likely to happen and if it doesn’t, no sweat there is a lesson still to be gained, can definitely make it a positive experience.

Listen to no one’s negative expectations. Who says is has any merit? AND, if you do, then how will you change the outcome? ~Caroll Atkins

I know some of you may be saying this is way to Polyanna for me. You may think: It’s simple, the moment you have any expectation of anyone or anything, there is bound to be disappointment. OR, in some cases we have a right to expect it to turn out positive especially if we have done or given our best in order to secure a positive outcome. It is not that you are wrong for feeling that way, it is more about whether you want to have peace and happiness in your life. Do you want to set yourself up to let uncontrollable outcomes control your life, your happiness and your general state of mind? See that’s really what we tend to do with expectations. Having them does not will anything to happen one way or another. Having them does not cause any changes in an inevitable outcome. They have no power to make anything right or wrong, positive or negative, good or bad, so they are essentially useless in that sense. The only thing they can do that will be beneficial to you, providing you are open to it, is teach you lessons in life and increase your wisdom of people and the world.

So, if you cannot get away from forming expectations, after all habits are hard to break, why not practice forming affirming ones. I love the expectations winners have. They picture themselves winning. If they don’t win, no problem, they try again till they do, that is why they are winners. They set their expectations high and won’t stop till they achieve it. For them it is about defining themselves by being at the top of their game. This push brings a satisfaction that is gratifying to them. They don’t spend time worrying about what they didn’t achieve, they focus on producing exceptional output again and again. They expect high standards from no one else but themselves.

Another expectation I love is the expectations that come from inventors, designers and innovators. These people have an expectation that things don’t have to look, function or be the way they are. There is always room for improvement. They are the ones who don’t wallow in the why, but embrace the why not and get down to the business of creating the reason why not. Their expectation is that we should all expect to have change in our lives. Change is good and change is necessary. Their expectations is that things should never stay the same as there is always room for improvement. As a designer, well you know I agree wholeheartedly.

When all is said and done, expectations can be good as well as not so good, on this we may have various arguments. However, the one thing that can encapsulate this argument and maybe we can all agree on and see the absolute positive merit is that we will all be in a good place if we worry less about any expectations, but welcome and cherish the idea of HOPE!

Peace & Light

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How to have a successful wedding!

Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Ahhh March! The month that is commonly noted as the starting of spring fever and of course sports fever, specifically basketball as in March Madness. We spring into action and even though spring can march in like a lion, it doesn’t always go out like a lamb. However, what I am most concerned with when it comes to March is, this is the time many a woman who was newly proposed to (Valentine’s Day) start the all out planning for a beautiful summer wedding. Lots of time, expense, and yes tears are spent in finding just the right everything to assure this event will be filled with happiness and memories to last the happy couple a lifetime. Some of the couples have been together for many years, some a year or two even still others a few months. Regardless, the preparation can become intense.

Now is the perfect time to pay close note to how your future hubby/wife deals with the planning. So many critical areas of marriage will be touched on at this time. Budgeting, time management, compromise, communication, forgiveness and yes even disappointment. Believe it or not, this is a perfect time to pay close attention to your relationship and put into practice all the skills you will hope to use within your marriage. For many, this planning time can literally destroy their relationship, if not cause tremendous stress on it. The focus becomes easily swayed from an event to prepare for a legal, and for many a spiritual life together, to putting on a party with all the bells and whistles that one can sometimes hardly afford. Bridezillas emerge as well as demanding mother-in-laws, etc. All focus is put squarely on the event and few cooler heads are prevailing.

That notwithstanding, this time can actually be a great time to get even closer together as you discover more of each others likes and dislikes. Remember to keep the focus on the impending marriage. Make sure to have lots of discussion with each other about how it will be after the marriage. Will things change? How? As someone who has been married before, I can tell you no matter how long you have been together, you may even have lived together, once the officiating person says “I now pronounce you man and wife…” a switch flips in the woman’s head to a position called “forever bonded togetherness.” Men went through that right up to the moment when they proposed, at that time, the woman was just busy saying to herself, “yes, he does want me and only me now and forever”, they were revealing in that new found position.

Instead of letting the beginning of your wedding planning turn into March Madness for real, allow this time to help you both spring into action as the last successful collaboration as boyfriend and girlfriend that has now ushered in the perfect beginning to a life of happy compromise between husband and wife. It may even be a great time to chronicle the journey. Your future children will love to see this period in your life. Also, in several years to come, you too will enjoy viewing that video again and again. Marriage is a beautiful symbol of love overflowing. There is non its equal when it comes to ultimate acts of faith that says I trust you and I believe in us. Even though women typically take great joy in the planning of a wedding, it has been noted that more than a few men enjoy it too! But even if they are only mildly interested, do not be tempted not to check with him to see what his desires are. The only fever you want to burn hotter and hotter, is your desire to be one with each other and create your own happily ever after, together forever!

Peace & Light

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The Love & Peace Shirt

My beautifully designed t-shirts. CASlyDesigns@aol.com

From sketch to reality! There can be no peace without love.

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Photo credits Shohana Rahman

What Type of Woman Attracts Men Pt. 2

In my first article, What Type Of Woman Attracts Men… I took on a twist and did not actually speak about the kind of woman you must be to attract a man, but spoke of what kind of persona you need to let go of, if you will in fact be able to keep or attract a man. As I said in the article, men are attracted to all kinds of women, so to believe that I can tell you what woman men are attracted to is simply presumptuous. So, while I may not be able to say what kind of women men are attracted to, I can absolutely tell you what kind of women men are not attracted to.  A while back I wrote a blog entry entitled Woman of Your Dreams/Nightmare!? This article was very popular. It gave some examples of women men love. It also gave a couple of examples of women that are not so welcome.

I write these articles because many lost relationships are sabotaged by these persona and ladies are just not aware of it. They have either adopted these behaviors in response to a failed relationship or from gathering information from their girls, which is based on their failed relationships. I am definitely not trying to criticize anyone. What I want to do is enlighten women. Ladies know this, for most of us, it is not a simple matter to find a mate. To be truly successful in this pursuit, we must firstly stop pursuing. No matter how liberated you are, some things must be done in a certain way simply, because we do not control anyone but ourselves. Men are coded to be the one to pursue women. They value the pursuit and it holds importance in the whole courtship process. I believe it has something to do with the traditional role of hunter and gatherer. Below are personality types that should be avoided.

Thirsty Woman
This woman is practically begging a man to marry her. While it is a good thing to let a man know that you are interested in marriage up front, it is not a good thing to accept that man who you happen to be with as Mr. Right and hence with every opportunity beg a proposal out of him. These women are typically desperately in love with the idea of being in love. They want the fairytale marriage and will do anything to get it. They have decided that this is what they deserve, never mind be sure that the man they are with is the deserving chap. Unfortunately, these women set themselves up to be used by men. Men are human too, and being pursued relentlessly is good for some fun. But you can best believe desperation is attractive to no one especially not a man and instead of fun, you can become the toy.

Do It All Woman
You make lunch and dinner, your car is at his disposal, you go pay his bills, pick buy him groceries, but he has yet to officially call you his girlfriend, yet you are giving him all the services of a girlfriend. Yes ma’am you are doing too much! Of course you want to show a deserving man that you are capable and wiling to do these things, but as I said before, men like the chase. If he has not put in the effort and time to win your affection, loyalty and yes special services, he will not see any reason work hard and yes, put a ring on it.

Cling On Woman
Where do I even start! Most of the descriptions I could give you probably already know, so I will give some that you may not even realize was a symptom of clinging. She is as sweet as pie, too good to be true. You just met, but she is ready to cater to you with all issues. Setting herself up to appear to be indispensable is her way of making sure that that man sees her as someone he just can’t live without. That man knows he has not earned this and he is not believing it for one moment. His clingy radar has just been alerted. Another new era cling on is the woman who is on Facebook looking at his friend list and sending them all friend requests. She is responding to their statuses and sharing things on their page. And don’t forget the woman who never stands up or has her own opinions. She loves what you love, thinks how you think and agrees with everything you say. Finally, if she is calling you boo or bae (short for babe) and is super mushy, lovey dovey after a week of knowing each other, yeah she is spinning her romantic web in her head and you are cast in the role of the adoring lover. Bottom line, she is desperate to be loved.

When did it get so complicated? When did women become embroiled in all these different persona? It seems that even though we have more freedoms as women, we still want marriage and we will do just about anything to get it. There is nothing wrong with wanting marriage, after all we are social creatures and we are not meant to live and be alone.  Healthy relationships are becoming less and less the norm as divorce rates climb higher and higher. Even though the women I have described are single, these could easily be married women and they can end up with broken marriages.

We must take care of our mental health. With more freedoms come more mental anguish as we struggle to know what is healthy and what is not. Just remember, what our spirit wants our spirit will get. Feed yours well and it will guide you true.

Peace & Light

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photo credits unknown.

What Type Of Woman Attracts Men…

…you ask?  All types. But in this article I am going to talk about the types of women we portray THINKING that it will attract and keep a man.

Many girls as they come into woman hood, start to give thought as to what type of woman they want to be. More specifically, they want to know how to conduct themselves as a woman in love relationships. They want to make sure they are setting the ground rules as to how they want a man to treat them, or for that matter, how they will not allow a man to treat them.  Early on, we tend to be pretty confident in what we want in a man albeit it may not grounded all the way in future reality, as we have yet to totally understand who we are and what our needs are as opposed to our wants. But I digress…what I really want to talk about is what kind of women we become in our pursuit to finding that ‘right” man.

To that end, I have identified some personality types that we become in order to get the love we want and deserve.

Clean Up Woman
This woman is always there to help him with everything from losing his job, to helping him pay bills even child support, to allowing him to live with her responsibility free while he “gets his act together”. Some are available as he is coming out of another relationship and of course he is so bereft from this situation that he needs a good “friend”. Closely resembling the mother figure type, the only difference is these women are also having sex with these guys as they now feel invested in these men and believe that a relationship can be built. Of course the men are taking advantage of these women in every way they can. You see, if a man is willing to take you up on this type of very personal help, when he is not your significant other, trust me he will have no qualms about having sex with you as well. The worst part is, these men typically leave these women when they get stronger, for women who have a higher standard. The one thing all men want and find interesting and attractive in a woman is self-worth and strength of character.

Link A Buddy Woman
This woman has a high sex drive and just cannot be without a lover or more specifically, she cannot do without sex. However, she does not want to be entertaining many different men, so she latches on to that player type man who makes sex quite available. After some time, she commences to believe in her mind that they have a relationship, simply because he keeps coming back to her for sex. Typically she is very good sexually and that is one of the main reasons the men keep coming back and, she is available. As soon as that relationship looks like it is about to fizzle out, she is already on the hunt for the next man who can fill the impending vacancy. This woman just does not believe that she can have a real relationship either because she does not feel worthy or she thinks that no man is capable of being a partnership material type guy. Men accommodate this woman because she asks for little to nothing from him. He has free reign and no accountability. They call her a “friend with benefits”.

A man who is accountable to no one, is a danger to himself. ~Iyanla Vanzant

I Love You But…Woman
You guessed it, men are always saying that to her. It appears that she can be loved, but not firmly committed to. Men come into her life, use her up for all her kindness and sweetness, but will not give her the ultimate commitment she seeks. This woman is so good at understanding him, allowing him to be himself which pretty much means anything goes, to forgiving him and of course falling into bed with him, because he thinks maybe just maybe she could be the one. But she is never the one, something always seems to derail that train just before it gets to the stop. Here is the thing, “a man who is accountable to no one, is a danger to himself” but in the case of a romantic relationship, the danger is to the woman! Since she has not held him accountable, he will drag her through all kinds of dangerous, heartbreaking situations. Periodically talking about how they could build up their relationship only to let it crash again at any given time. He builds it up when he senses she may be at her breaking point, then he lets it collapse when it gets too much for him all the while blaming her with any myriad of reasons for the failure. He thinks her love is unconditional, but not in a good way. She puts no limits on him she thinks, but what she is really doing is she is putting no value on herself and all the wonderful relationship building skills she has! Men walk away from these types of women because men want restrictions and accountability. Boys want freedom. Men know they need to achieve and build and they are looking for a strong woman who can help them do just that.

I know there are many more personalities and I may go over them in a future article, but these are so prevalent these days, I felt I must discuss. So, while we may not be able to pinpoint any specific type of woman that attracts every man, isn’t it great to know which types does not?

Peace & Light

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2013′s Mantra, I Am You And You Are Me

To some my title sentence makes no sense. To some, literally is how they live and see life. To some the beauty and intricacies of relationships are not something to ponder and appreciate, but to take simply at face value. But to me I am all you have and you are all I have, because if I am not valuing you, accepting you and appreciating you then what do I have? Nothing. I am not prosperous, because without you how can I share my wealth of life’s lessons learned. I am not growing, because without you how will I challenge myself, better myself and live up to my potential. I am not loved, because without you who will I give love to, so I too can feel it’s incredible warmth in return?

So, what I do for you, I do for me and what I don’t do for you, I don’t do for me. The sooner we accept that we are all connected through our shared humanity, the sooner we can get to the business of showing each other the unconditional love that Jesus spoke about and Muhammad and every pivotal person intent on connecting us through love in the history of the world. In 2013 our mindset has to be elevated exponentially. While some of us have accepted and are now committed to helping others, we must no longer look at it as helping them, but accept that our positive actions are done for the good of us all.

Where do we go from there? What have we come to? We have come right back where we started and we are now called to be compassionate. If we look at all the world’s ills, how many can be helped if we just exercise a little compassion? I feel certain at the least, we will get the attention we feel we deserve, something that many feel they do not get and has caused much malaise in this world. When you realize I am you and you are me, then you accept without hesitation, that compassion for others is needed in life just as you want it for yourself. Compassion for every thing that is living, not just humans is key to our world surviving and continuing without humanity perishing.

The whole is always greater than the sum of the parts.

Let our compassion be coupled with wisdom, so that when we set out to help with the myriad of causes out there, we are able not to get caught up in help that puts us in a reactive mode. Let us take time and think things through so we can be in active mode. I have been blessed to be introduced to some incredible ladies in two groups this year, Shades of Social Media and Pushing Lovely. I have found some like minded individuals that are keen on promoting love, peace and compassion into this world. This provides an ideal opportunity for us to team up and support this movement and create a synergy that will be greater than any one person can accomplish. The whole is always greater than the sum of the parts it is said, and I tend to agree. I hope you will join the movement and know that you too can do good wherever you are, even in your little corner of the world.

Peace & Light

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Everything is truly Everything!

Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Going through life on a daily basis, most of us do not think that the actions we are taking and the choices we are making are influenced by anything or anyone other than ourselves. We hardly take the time to consider all the other consequences of our decisions and actions, whether they may be positive or negative. A lot of the time, we seem to  function on auto pilot. However if we truly took time to analyze our actions, we would see that many of them are precipitated by previous thoughts and preconceived ideas. We make choices to do big things and small things. Sometimes we decide to do things that are for a long term reason and sometimes it may just be a temporary thing.

Now, if you are like me and you are giving more and more thought to the ultimate design of your life and its choices, you would and could very well believe that we are all intertwined with each other, and as such our decisions do include each other. Enough of us do believe in déja vu (already seen) and many of us are spiritual and believe there is a higher power guiding us. So, if we believe this, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that there are forces bringing us together and ordering as well as influencing our way? I say yes! We are so positioned to think that maximum effort should produce a great feat or super results, that we feel we have failed if we make plans to do something and the result is in our estimation negligible.

Everything is everything is really an interesting view of life. Basically, we may take time to create something huge, lots of planning and we are awaiting a big turn out or out come and poof! The result, barely a blip. We can get quite frustrated and disappointed at this. But make no mistake, there is something in that result. We are just too upset to see it. Sometimes it could be that we do very minimal work and wow, in comes a tremendous out pouring of blessings. Still we do not take time to evaluate that either. We just consider ourselves blessed and we move on. What we have to realize is that, whether positive or negative, everything is a result of something/s, so everything can be everything because everything has the potential to reveal everything. What I am trying to say is, do not take anything for granted or for that matter discount it. Getting what we want can be a curse and not getting what we want can be a blessing. There are lessons in everything and believe it or not, our lives are meant to be lessons just as much to ourselves as to others. If you agree with this, challenge yourself to find the meaning in what you do, what you endure or celebrate. To do so helps us to increase our knowledge of what our lives were meant to be and since the meaning of life is different for us all, isn’t this a good thing?

Finally, we could be helping each other in ways we never even considered. We all can be a blessing to each other with our actions whether we are immediately aware of it or not. This is why we must show up for life. We must participate with our God given talents. We must forever keep forging on with our ideas and our dreams. These are the things that touch each other in ways just as it brings fruit and meaning to our lives. So now do you see just how much everything is truly everything!

Peace & Light

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