Are you addicted to dating?


“I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?” ~Kristen Davis on Sex in the City

Never really thought about it? Well, yes there are definitely people who are just that, addicted to dating. So, how can one be addicted to dating and how would you even know if you are?

Dating addiction happens quite subtly. Nowadays we have so much going on, we are busier than ever that we are simply lacking quality efforts in pursuing a relationship. Frankly, we just are not thinking sufficiently about our relationship future to make good solid choices on who we are actually going out with. We believe we just have to get that date first and the rest will come and it will figure itself out. Some of us are dating more than ever! Somewhere along the way, we got the message that we should be dating and dating often to find a good, compatible relationship and we took this and ran with it. We are dating up a storm, but is not the point of dating to eventually find a mate with which to settle down? That’s what I thought. But, I do believe for some, that end result is seems so elusive, that they are just not motivated to think that far and thus have not made quality choices for their dates. So they date and they date and they begin to live a culture of dating. It becomes what they do, they date! They start making comments like “at least I am enjoying being wined and dined”. Some have sex in this time period as well and about 3 months in or so, it fizzles out and they are back to repeating the cycle again but with a new person. They say to themselves that at least they are out there trying. But are they really trying? If their only criteria for going on a date is that he a. asked, b. is presentable and c. they are trying, then where is the effort?

While I am the first to agree that one should date as much as you need to, to find that good match, I also believe that you should practice smart, effective, dating. Taking the time to clarify to yourself exactly what you need by getting rid of unrealistic expectations, cutting out silly demands and having effective questions ready to ask that date, so you are given the substance you need to pursue further or keep it moving.

There is also another group of people who are addicted to dating. These are the ones who don’t really want to attach as in become committed to just one person. They simply date till it becomes eminent that they must give something more and then that is their cue to bail out. They love the first stages of meeting and dating and even having someone to do things including sharing times with, but they also love the casualness of not being thoroughly committed to anyone and hence not responsible. That latter part is actually the overriding reasoning for their lack of commitment. So going on perpetual dates is perfect for them. The fun, carefree playfulness of dating that carries with it no solid commitment and responsibility is very addictive to them. You may be tempted to think this group a bit shady, but they may very well be lovely people, who dates with them are wonderful and fun. They could treat you very well and picking up the tab, not a problem. Such behavior could be very confusing, unless you ask the pertinent questions to see exactly where their mindset is. Ask the questions more than once and vary it. The one thing you can believe in this situation is that, if it is too good to be true it could very well be, and if it is a responsible relationship you are looking for then you are looking at an illusion.

So, do you see yourself in any of these descriptions? Have you come across any of these? Are you ready to settle down, but are living a dating addiction life? As you can see, this is a real thing that may not have been given a name, but we know this syndrome, we may even live it. The notion that we don’t have to do work to find a mate, that he/she will find us or if he is the one God will show you, is at the very least naive. Endless dating could actually promote relationship disillusionment. It’s time to take back control of your life and stop leaving it up to the chance of a date.

Peace & Light

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About Caroll Atkins

Loving Designing Living!! All forms of design intrigue me. As a graphic designer, I design for my livelihood (C.A.SlyDesigns) but as a writer, I do it for my living! At this time in my life, I MUST write. LoveDesignLife, is my joy and my gift to you. If my articles resonate with you, I pray they will also help you in life much as living them and writing about them has helped me. Today, it is no longer about thinking outside of the box. It’s bigger!! It is all about “Transcending the sphere!” coined by yours truly. I work hard to accomplish my goals. However, if I ever fall short I don’t worry I just eat cake cause tomorrow is another day!!
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14 Responses to Are you addicted to dating?

  1. One of my favorite things about being married is not having to go out dating and looking for someone. It seems like such hard work. It is important to learn the purpose for which you are dating and act accordingiy.

    • It’s hard when you don’t know what you want. But if you do it really isn’t. You just have to learn to have no expectations. Have fun and see what develops. After my marriage that is what I had to learn to do.

      Thanks Janeane!

      Peace & Light

  2. Chasing Joy says:

    I am single looking but not having many dates. I’d like to date more but it is not easy meeting guys who are dating to actually find someone as opposed to just dating for the sake of dating.

  3. Brandi says:

    I never really enjoyed “dating”. I liked to get to the relationship part. After I had my daughter and broke off my relationship with her father, I swore off dating. When I met my now fiancee, he and I were friends until we were serious, and by then I knew he was the LAST man that I would date.

    • Sometimes in life a person will meet someone that is just simply a perfect fit. It won’t take much to see a relationship would be a good thing. So dating goes into relationship pretty quickly. As you have found Brandi, friendship is a no pressure, relaxed way to find your Mr. Right. What makes both of these situations work well is knowing yourself and what you have to offer as well as what you need.

      Peace & Light

  4. I was such a late bloomer to dating that I guess at one time I did date and date and date. Now that I’ve found a great guy I am happy to be where I am. Not dating and hoping something else comes along.

  5. I was the last dating scenario for years. You could not mention “See you more”, “what are you doing tomorrow”, “marriage”, “relationship”, “what is this?” or else I’d replace you :O But then I stopped to ask myself why and the answer didn’t come for years later lol

  6. Anonymous says:

    Dating seems to be a strenuous thing these days. You should not go on a date with a mindset that it can become serious. It should be for fun, enjoyment and relaxation. Do not work hard at making it a serious relationship. It should be effortless if it is meant to be. Good topic and well written. Doris

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