What had happened was…

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering. ~Paulo Coelho

You are suffering!!! You need someone to hear you. You need someone to hear your story and what happened to you. You need them to know why you are sad…unhappy…stuck…heck you need them to understand your pain and if at all possible, validate it, because the pain is just too much to bear. So, you tell your story, again and again. To whomever will listen. This should make it better, right? Yet, it doesn’t. So, why is that? What could make you stay stuck in the pain and even the freeing act of telling your story, still does not bring you peace of mind and heart. Could it be the story?

What is the story that you ARE telling? Are you telling a story in the hopes that others can help you gain clarity or are you telling a story for sympathy? Is your story the full story, or is your story a total homage to how you were done so wrong, and you were nothing less than a victim with little or no wrong doing on your part. Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes things or situations can happen to you that will actually not be your fault. I understand that. What I am talking about is the situation where your hurt and pain is so strong that you just want justice. You want some reciprocity. If you cannot get that, well then you will just make sure you hold on to the story and elicit as much sympathy as possible. The sympathy is the next best thing to getting that apology or that understanding and acknowledgement from the party who inflicted the pain.

The trouble with this course of action is two-fold. Continuing to tell a story with an homage to your pain will have you stuck. Every time you tell the story, you relive the pain, and it will feel just as painful as when it first happened. You will never feel better, because you keep seeing it just as you received it. There is no effort to see the other person’s side and/or motivation. You may feel that to even do that is to validate what they did to you, but it is not. Much like deciding to forgive an injustice, this is meant to free you and release your spirit. Whatever you have to do to give your self peace, should not be interrupted by ego that says no, don’t let them off the hook, hold on to that injustice, teach them a lesson. Unfortunately, you are the only one that is aware of this so-called lesson plan. The other party can very well be oblivious.  Secondly, life is about growth. If you won’t take steps to grow personally, you will be left behind as others will grow past you. Then you will be seen as the person who just cannot let it go. The same people who felt sorry about what happened to you, will now simply feel sorry for you. They no longer want to hear that story. Even though you have not moved on past that event, they have, and they are wondering what is wrong with you that you haven’t. They could start to avoid you and look at you as the bitter person. Sure you can say “if they were real friends…” don’t get it twisted real friends do not have to help you stay stuck in unhealthy situations to prove they are true. And, not everyone is skilled in how to help one get unstuck. Life is about growth, learning, teaching, but mostly moving onward and forward. Bad things happen to everyone and bad things happen to good people too!

So, how do you move forward from a situation when the offending party will not give you the benefit of an explanation, apology or closure? You move forward by simply telling yourself that you are nobody’s victim and you are not going to victimize your self continuously by keeping this sad sob story going. That moment was in the past and your present day has nothing to do with it. You will not let their actions from your past control you happiness in your now. You will decide that you were powerless against their actions and you could not control what they did then, but you can absolutely control how you proceed with your life now. Make a choice to focus on the now. Make a choice to take the lesson from that situation and let it help you be wiser and more aware. Let it awaken the awareness in you that actions like that cause hurt, hence you will be very mindful so that you yourself do not become a hurtful person. Finally, find a way to see that a person who could cause careless hurt, must themselves be hurting. Hurt people, hurt people. Do not continue that behavior. Love them because you can love, you have learned to love, you choose to put love for yourself first, and you know that love is what they are lacking. In the end, instead of your story going “what had happened was…”, let your story be “I have learned that…”

Peace & Light

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About Caroll Atkins

Loving Designing Living!! All forms of design intrigue me. As a graphic designer, I design for my livelihood (C.A.SlyDesigns) but as a writer, I do it for my living! At this time in my life, I MUST write. LoveDesignLife, is my joy and my gift to you. If my articles resonate with you, I pray they will also help you in life much as living them and writing about them has helped me. Today, it is no longer about thinking outside of the box. It’s bigger!! It is all about “Transcending the sphere!” coined by yours truly. I work hard to accomplish my goals. However, if I ever fall short I don’t worry I just eat cake cause tomorrow is another day!!
This entry was posted in Enlightenment, Forgiveness, Happiness, Love, Peace, Self-Love, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to What had happened was…

  1. Anonymous says:

    Too real

  2. jolynproject says:

    “Hurt people, hurt people.” I always say this. It’s so true. Great post! 🙂

  3. Djrelat7 says:

    This post is right on! I know there have been plenty of times that I was “stuck” in a situation, being in the in between of wanting to forget and waiting for what might never come. It is an awful place to be. Everyone has their own time with staying in that in between but we should never give anything that much power over us. I have been blessed with a friend who will give me the other side of the story to help me move on…I have learned that sometimes I am at fault…I accept that and I learn to make better choices. It is better to be focused on what you have in life, to love life, then to be stuck on what happened in the past. I’ve learned that if I see someone in that same situation, I share my experience, and tell them to move on…in the end its not worth it. This is right on the money! Great post!

    • Kudos to you Djrelat7 for being accepting of your friend’s advice and also for just choosing to be more responsible for your energy and presence. My writings are about what I have learned so I know it takes work and dedication to do this. Life is about teaching, so always share what you know someone out there is desperate for what you have to offer.

      Thank you for reading, I appreciate you and your feedback very much!

  4. Chasing Joy says:

    Great post. It is easy to get caught up in the life has done me worng story. I have been guilty of it myself, as much as I try to stay joyful. You are right though after a while peopole no longer fell sorry for what happened to you the only feel sorry for you. And who wants to be considered Sorry??? not me.

    • Exactly, Chasing Joy! We have a lot of life to live and every experience it meant to build us up, not tear us down. When you recognize and accept that you keep your joy and improve your happiness.

      Peace & Light

  5. Whenever I read,. or hear of people claiming to be “victims” I’m instantly reminded of something that I learned years ago,. and that is ,..

    A man can fall many times,. but he is not a failure until he accuses someone of pushing him down,..

    Very nice,…

    • Eric, that is a great quote. I really like that! Yep, that’s about it, we must be accountable for our own misstep, that’s the only way we can learn and grow.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Peace & Light

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