You want to move on, but you just can’t. You say it doesn’t matter anymore, then you think again and think damn, it never did and who the hell cares. Yep, you definitely should not care, but you do care. What torment! Who is causing you this torment? You! Why? Because, you just can’t seem to let go!
Ahhh, letting go! Breaking free! For some it is just so very hard to do. Even when you start to wrap your mind around the idea of doing it, the physical aspect is a whole other story. But why? Why does doing something that you have determined is the best thing for you, make you feel so bad? Worse yet, what if you had no choice in letting go, what if you were let go? Ouch! The first initial thought, takes your breath away much like a swift kick to the stomach. What are you to do now, the deed is done! Weeks, months, maybe even years and you are still replaying the situation like it just happened. So many things seem to trigger the thought for you. When will you be free? Your mind starts to play tricks on you and it even has you believing that the reason you still think of it, is because you will once again be reunited. You will get that man back, that woman, that job, that friend, etc. This has got to be the reason you cannot let it go. Wrong! I am sorry to inform you, but more than likely this is not the case.
For most people who are not maladjusted, emotionally detached, self-centered individuals, we develop emotions that tie us to people and situations. We hold those emotions deep in our heart where we nurture it and it grows. We identify with it, and it now becomes part of what we feel identifies us. So to let it go, will absolutely feel like we are letting part of ourselves go. As humans, we are not very comfortable with the idea of loosing, we are more focused on gaining, hence anything we have acquired we fight hard not to loose, even when our mind can rationalize that it is better off gone, it still takes time to resonate. My fervent belief as to why this is, is simple, till we learn the art of forgiveness, moving on and letting go will be a struggle at best.
First and foremost, we must forgive ourselves. We should choose to forgive ourselves, because we now realize that the earlier choice we made, is now not the best choice. Whether it leaves us or we leave it that does not matter. If it wanted you and felt you were good for it and beneficial to it, it would not have left and obviously you would not leave it, if you felt it had the capacity to bring you the satisfaction and happiness you need. There is no getting around it. Some people for whatever reason, will walk out of your life. Making them stay or changing their mind is and enormous waste of your time, as people who want to be in your life, no matter how hard things get, will never leave. Once you have forgiven yourself, forgive the person. Realize this, you do not need a reason to forgive them nor a plausible excuse from them. You just need to do it for your own sake and it will definitely help you to move on and let go.
Holding a grudge or anger against someone is really using the same mechanics as when you are loving them, in the sense that you hold them in your heart only this time it is to nurture hate and animosity. So now, this anger, hate, hurt and animosity will be defining you, because now that is what you have for them. It has replaced the love that you used to have for them, the love that once helped to define you. Whereas you once was a lover, now you are a hater! However, here is the biggest thing that happens, because it is living in your heart, you replay the situation over and over again, and to the mind it is happening now, at that very moment with each and every recollection. Your subconscious mind does not see it as a past act, but it recognizes it as a real time offense and reacts with the same hurt as the day it actually happened. The head and the heart work together. What the head believes and acknowledges, resonates deeply in the heart.
Break free! Forgiveness is NOT about excusing any bad offense or behavior. It is NOT about ignoring or accepting hurt and it is definitely NOT about dismissing your feelings as insignificant. It is about one thing and one thing only, freeing your mind so you can stop the continuous breaking of your heart. Believe that the situation is now this way, because it has arrived at its transition point, and stop the thought process right there. Do no supplement this new found understanding with any other information as to why it happened or what should happen next. Live in that moment, a moment where you are open to whatever happens next. A moment where you are thankful at what you have learned, because every single thing that happens to us has a lesson in it. Evaluate your lessons learned and look forward to how this can help you be a much better, more informed person, who now has learned how much stronger, resilient and more informed you are. YES, embrace your new wisdom and know that it has prepared you for an even better, brighter and more fulfilling future. If you choose to go this route, you eliminate the chances of feeling very much like you are going down a drain, spiraling in a vortex of self-pity and bitterness. Choosing the path of forgiveness as you can now see, is choosing the path of life!
Make your heart have a default setting of love, to get anything more requires emotional, hard-working, deeply caring energy, that has been tested with quality time and targeted attention.
If you were not already resistant to the previous suggestion, try this one on for size. The person who dealt you the hurt, continue to love them. I don’t mean continue to be IN-LOVE with them, if that was what the previous relationship was. I mean continue to believe in your heart that at the very basic, this person, like all other persons deserve love. Replace the hate, animosity and bitterness with love. In essence, use love as a basic place holder to offset any ill or negative effects that comes from hate or worse yet indifference. Remember, earlier I spoke of how our heart reacts to what our mind thinks, so if your mind is saying I have love for all mankind including this person, your heart will react accordingly. What you will no longer do is give that person attention, your presence and your energy. This is what we give to close, personal loved ones, that makes a difference in the kind of relationships we have. Make your heart have a default setting of love, anything more requires emotional, hard-working, deeply caring energy, that has been tested with quality time and targeted attention. So, what is good about bye, well it primes you and prepares you for the most ultimate…Hi!
Peace, Love & Light.
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