If they can’t get close enough to hurt you, they can’t get close enough to love you.
Most of us hear that word and we imagine lots of scenarios that are quite unpleasant. Few of us imagine anything good. Yet hurt is a very integral part of life. In all actuality, hurt is a necessity in our lives. Believe it or not, to live and never hurt is to never have lived at all. So why do so many of us try to avoid hurt at all cost. We restrict many aspects of life to safeguard against it. I know you know what’s coming. Yes, you are right, I am going to tell you hurting is good for you.
How can feeling like you want to die, feeling like your heart will be ripped from your body, feeling like life is the most cruel joke, be good for you? Well, as with bitter tasting medicine, not all things made to help are pleasant. Or another way of looking at it is, good, useful lessons or remedies can come after tough, bitter and hurtful remedies. And, that is what hurt is, it is a remedy. One of life’s most bitter, but it is its bitterness that makes it so effective. Its assures that you never forget, even though you may repeat. You see, as much as we try to avoid it, we are equipped to handle pain, hurt and suffering especially if it is in the way of the much desired human emotion, LOVE!
So, let’s get back to hurt. Think about hurt, but think mostly about when hurt starts to fade, what do you do? Well, for most this is the time you truly reflect back on what you thought you had to have so badly. You may think, oh my goodness that was not so good for me after all. See, you now realize that you must rationalize and take a good, clear look at the situation and evaluate it truthfully. For many, after having done that, you now feel an overwhelming sense of relief. You may even feel like uttering, “whew! I dodged that bullet.” Let’s be clear, we are talking about hurt, not loss. Loss is something different all together, and it really deserves its own blog topic. Hurt happens when what you expect, was promised, made to believe or assured, did not materialize. Whether you came to these positions on your own, or someone influenced you to believe them, it still adds up to the same thing, false reality interrupted!! Your hurt comes in, because you accepted what they seemingly had to offer, most likely due to a fear of some sort. Maybe it is a fear of being alone or maybe of not being loved. Still for others it could be that they are afraid they cannot support themselves and thus need a partner. Because you do not want to face those fears, you accept what seems to be offered. Clearly, there is nothing wrong with enjoying these things in a relationship, the problem arises when you NEED these things from others because you do not believe you can give them to yourself. Hurt happens when there is a lesson to be learned or a situation to be made clear, that we cannot rationalize or accept. We resist the situation and have great difficulty accepting reality. It is more likely that the fear scares us more than the actual hurt.
Don’t hold on to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.
Can you heal from hurt? ABSOLUTELY! Not only can you heal, but you also can come away with much wisdom, greater appreciation of things and a more in-depth knowledge of yourself, which leads to positioning yourself to receiving your best love yet. One of the beautiful things you will also gain is the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is the next step. You will know you are ready to forgive when you can recall the hurt and those who caused it and truly wish them well. In the final step the hurt is gone. You will know that the hurt is gone when it becomes hard for you to remember what exactly made you hurt in the first place.
I have hurt many times and I know I will be hurt more in the future, BUT its effect on me has lessened dramatically, because I realize that my needs and wants does not lie with anyone but myself. One day I do believe hurt will be a thing of the past for me, as I will no longer have any expectations. It is an ultimate state of being, but I am willing and believe I can get there. I also keep in mind that most people would rather hurt you than help themselves, and if they should get close enough to love you, they will be close enough to hurt you. It is a paradox yes, but a necessary one if you should be loved and be love. Most think it is the opposite, they think if they withhold their love then they won’t hurt. Alas, this is not only false but,the broader the spectrum of love you withhold the more you will hurt from emptiness, loneliness, feelings of un-fulfillment, anger for having to be in that position and resentment at those who appear to have love when you don’t.
Friends and lovers will hurt you every once in a while. Forgiveness is a must. Suffering, however is optional.