From the time we looked up into the face of our mother and she cooed our names to us our identity began to be formed. “You are so pretty, you are so handsome. I love you! Such a smart baby.” All these words validated us, and even as adults, we still feel validated when we hear it. The approving tone with which it was delivered as a child reinforced how good and important it was to hear those words. Yet, there are those of us who heard those words very little or maybe they overheard them being said to someone else and longed for it to be said to them. Either way, we knew for sure that those words are nourishing to our soul.
“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”~Malcom X
For years we have learned how absolutely critical it is to give reassuring, loving words to children, because it is critical to helping them develop their sense of self which directly contributes to their sense of self-worth. As we grow, we become obsessed with the image of who we are. In our teens we may even have tried on a few different persona. This is understandable and may even be quite normal. However, some carry this far into adulthood. Uncomfortable with themselves and unwilling to explore themselves to find the root of what keeps them from being comfortable with elements of who they are and what that means, they develop an ego-driven persona that functions like a pit bull at the gate. Since this ego persona owes nothing to no one, it becomes a convenient persona that will handle any situation that gets sticky, confusing, demanding, trying and yes even loving, giving and nurturing. Huh come again! you might say, but yes! The latter three are elements which these individuals may be very uncomfortable with as they may not have had a lot of experience with it growing up, so they don’t know how to receive it, accept it or believe it. Ego forces them to push it away making them believe that they don’t need it. After all, those last three are so unpredictable as to who will be willing to give it to them. They don’t trust that anyone would really give it and mean it because they are not pretty, handsome or smart. They did not hear that from the people they loved growing up, and if you don’t hear that from those people then it means you are not that. Only those kind of people get that for real! The ego persona is all they need. Essentially the ego gives them a false sense of self.
Combating this is probably one of the hardest thing one can do, because it requires that you be alone with yourself. Most people who have this issue are very afraid to be alone with themselves. If they have to be alone then they drink, watch TV or use recreational to hardcore drugs all in an attempt to keep the lonely away and not face the demanding truth that needs to be faced. The truth that they refuse to be that wholly accepting and loving friend that they SHOULD be to themselves. Some may even entertain dead end relationships just to have someone there. Being still with yourself is really the only way to break through to yourself. Listen to your fears. Don’t try to rationalize it and don’t credit it either, just accept that it exists, but also know that it has no power over you because it is a view not the only view that describes you and who you are. You are a myriad of fantastic complex, and complicatedly wonderful, creative and loving elements that all come together to form the person that is you! No one element of your being is the entirety of who you are, and so it should not be the only thing that represents you. Realize that hiding behind your ego and letting it take the forefront is detrimental to your quest for love. Ego makes you push people away. Remember ego thinks it knows it all, needs nothing and no one and is a bonafide happiness snatcher. Anything that doesn’t consult ego to exist will be crushed!!
Bottom line is, you are worthy simply because you are unique. What you have and what you do is like no one else and the world is just waiting to be introduced to it. Not everyone wants or needs everything that there is to want and need so yes some may not be interested in what you have to offer, but that is ok it does not make you any less valuable. We were all created for a purpose. It doesn’t matter where you have been or where you may be, because right now, right this minute, you are a beacon of light to many and many cannot imagine their life if they did not have you in it and that makes you valuable way beyond any words!