…some I love some not at all!
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me, mirror, what is wrong? ~De La Soul
Can you all feel me? Why is it that we just cannot warm up to or even like some people. These people could be close relatives, friends or maybe just a public figure of some sort. In any case, something about them has left us totally cold. For some of us the feelings can be so intense to the point we actually hate them. While most of us are not in the hate zone, quite a few of us have definite strong dislikes. When asked why, we can have a litany list of reasons or maybe just one reason that we term as huge, something we just can’t get with.
Contemplate this, that which we resist the most in others, that which we dislike the strongest in others exists within us to the same degree. In other words, those you love and those you hate are MIRRORS of yourself! Oh, we have no problem with the love part, but the hate part, well that is another story. For us to identify with something so much so, that it produces an emotion means that thing is something we are intimately familiar with. In the case of hate or dislike, not only are we intimately familiar with the thing we are battling it ourselves. I propose that our battle with it to keep it in check or simply to not let it even rear its head is so exhaustive, that when we see someone exhibiting those same behaviors that rebuff us within our selves it upsets us. Now if that person seemingly gets away with that behavior, if people seem to accept that behavior from them or worst yet if that behavior actually gets them celebrated, oh we are mad and angry and yes, the more their behavior continues and is flaunted the more our emotions build negatively and soon enough we are in full blown hate.
All is not lost though. Hate is a useless emotional response for the simple fact that it stifles personal creativity and limits positive inter personal expression, all which is critical to building healthy relationships. But the biggest negative is it feeds the ego incessantly. When you are caught up in this situation all you want to do is justify why you feel the way you do. You find it hard to celebrate any positives about that person. You stay stuck on that aspect of their personality and as time goes on it becomes all you can see about them and the first thing you say when their name is mentioned. Consider this, next time you feel this dislike, think about it and how it relates to something about you that you dislike. Here is an example, “Portia talks so much, she never shuts up. She has something to say about everything.” The fact that Portia is in your opinion a chatterbox is something that may ONLY be YOUR hated pet peeve. Moreover, maybe you wish you could be free to talk on every and all subjects as Portia does. Maybe you believe that talking that much is impolite, because that is what your belief says. So if Portia continues to do that, how dare she go against YOUR beliefs (ego in play here). BUT, why is this a belief? Can you give your self permission to change that belief or at the very least adjust it? Maybe you can try being more vocal about things yourself. If you do this, you will have effectively dis-empowered your mirrored self, an the imaginary limits and power restraint you put on yourself will disappear causing you to feel freer. Once you feel like YOU are not being restrained and you can speak on any subject you want and others will listen too, you will not act so negatively to the person who is the object of your dislike. You see, you are the only one limiting yourself because of your beliefs. Its all self-imposed because of past experience or personal prejudices. If someone else told you to do this, you would question the validity and only act if it proved sound to you, yet when you do it to yourself you don’t question you adopt it full-heartedly. Shatter the mirror and break through to the other side because the only bad luck you will ever have is the one that keeps you locked in a one dimensional view of YOU!