“Come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove..” Christopher Marlowe
Attracted at first sight or gradual growth of attraction, either way you are here and you are smitten and its clear they feel the same. Great, you both are ready and good to go, BUT where are you going? Are you on the same page? If it is relationship you want you best pay attention to the journey and what it reveals because a relationship has definite stages and markers for it to bring you the fulfillment you desire.
On first look it’s all good, so its time for a second look, but this look is not with your eyes this look is with your mind. If you want to know if this is more than a physical attraction ask yourself these questions: Do I see the best in him, things others may not readily see? When she speaks do I listen not only with my ears, but is my mind engaged to what she is saying? Does it resonate in my heart? Is the idea of her soul stirring? Do I feel appreciative, loving and caring towards him? While you ask yourself these questions, also focus on your partner to see if they are showing you that they are doing the same. You want to do this early in the relationship because this will set the tone and it is a great predictor of what should eventually come.
So far so good, previous questions are all checked yes, you have each others attention and you are now in the zone. Now with this sense of communal ease, you want to make sure you up the ante and add more concrete support to those beautiful gestures of relationship desire by offering your sweetie a non-judgmental environment. Display integrity, honesty and empathy in your actions. Doing so will build tremendously on your feelings of security in the relationship and it will help to promote it to a higher level that we all want to get to and that is intimacy.
Intimacy, the holy grail of relationships may conjure up sexual gratification, but that is only part of it. Intimacy in my opinion is where you can become vulnerable because you have no desire to control any outcomes. You totally loose all ego and are able to bare your soul. You will feel defenseless, but your partners dedicated support allows you not to question this feeling, but instead foster feelings that this is natural. You don’t have to orchestrate anything it all just flows and you both trust enough to let it flow.
At this point you can surrender to the seduction of the blossoming relationship and revel in the passion that is feeling love and respect and giving the same. While I cannot say how fast this happens, I can say this I believe that it must happen and this is the order it should happen. If you lack any one of these markers, it is almost guaranteed that you will not be on your way to a loving relationship. Step by step you will be building a solid foundation and you will surely graduate to higher loving!