Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’ ~Erich Fromm
Ah to be loved! There is no more magical feeling. You feel adored, desired and accepted all feelings that give us inspiration and makes us feel secure. Beautiful! Yet, there are others who do not feel all of these emotions. Typically missing is the feeling of inspiration and at times security. Though the couples are in love and committed to each other, these essential emotions that help round out love’s story is missing.
In my opinion, these emotions are missing because one other element is under-served. Commitment! You see, while I do not believe there are levels of love, I do believe there are levels of commitment. Also, worth noting, commitment is closely correlated to caring and attention. Commitment is not the same as being committed. Just because I say I am here with you, does not mean I am here for you. I could be there with you for my own selfish needs, short-comings and insecurities, in which case what you want and need are secondary at best. It all boils down to my belief that love has a quality. Yes, a quality like a diamond. To be sure a diamond is precious, but not all are stellar. Not all are capable of giving off that incredible shine and brilliance and isn’t that what we want from a diamond? Well, this is what we should want from love, if our love is to sustain and elevate. Our love should be like a radiant diamond, beckoning all and inspiring lightness in everyone who is exposed to it. The love between a man and a woman should be that kind of love. Quality love is not a love fueled by great sex, it inspires great sex. It is not a love that is fueled by service, it inspires servitude. Finally, this is not a love that asks for commitment, it readily and whole-heartedly inspires commitment and finds more and more levels on which to commit. When commitment is practiced regularly, it becomes devotion. As the quote above illustrates and makes clear, your love exists solely because of that person and the chemistry you share and not what that person can bring you or do for you.
If love should last and we all want it to, it should be bound with commitment. Since love is an emotion it can ebb and flow, go high and go low. Increasing levels of commitment is what gives love its vitality. It keeps it renewed and it keeps it strong. Simply put, it is the fuel that keeps it burning hot and ever ready. Quality love inspires others to love. When we see it we too become transformed. Love with out quality lays dormant waiting for that spark. As I have said before, I think once you love you always love, BUT that love will not burn bright and be light giving unless it is fed. This is typically evident in the couples we see that go through the motions, that are so torn because they have the seed of love but nothing to nurture it. It is pure torcher!
Feed your love with quality and enduring acts of commitment and your love will commit you to feel…to feel inspired, to feel desired, to feel generous and to feel adventurous. In short your love shall be your light!