Have you ever stopped to think that throughout our lives we experience life events as either losses or gains? We have major gains, ex. marriage, birth, coveted purchases etc. are all pretty desirable gains. However, natural disasters, violence, death, etc. are all devastating losses. We feel pretty comfortable in putting these events in these categories so as to simplify our life as much as possible.
A recent death of a close cousin started me to thinking. Her loss is devastating to me, yet in a strange way I am gaining so much from it. It started me thinking of every event I am not going to share with her within her presence, which brought me to events I did share with her and events I shared because of her. The fact that she had a life gave so much to mine. Now that she is gone, those gifts her life gave are still there, they are not gone as a matter of fact I am finding more! I want to hold on to the immediateness of not having her physical presence because it satiates my need, my ego, but when I divert my attention from my need and to her life I smile and immediately remember her values and formidable personality. Then I am inspired to share it with others.
Losses are not losses, but incredibly complex transitional experiences. As long as we cherish the memories, share the love and pass on the lessons we give fullness to life and meaning to lives especially our own.
So what of other minor losses we have in our lives? Can we project a new view onto them? I now believe we can. I actually believe they are not losses at all. They are transitions. Swinging of the pendulum, balances if you will. You see once we experience the transition it brings us to the gain. For example, as mothers we love our babies and long to hold on to their babyhood, yet as they transition to a toddler we are thrilled with that as well. We never stop being thrilled with their every progression in life even though we remember longingly of each previous stage. Also, each previous stage somehow makes us more appreciative of the new stage. We celebrate it. In a way, when you think about it, we never really owned the stage, we owned the experience. So we cannot loose it. As the experience passes through our lives, it gives us more of US. As it does so for us, we are doing the same for others. Losses are not losses but incredibly complex transitional experiences. As long as we cherish the memories, share the love and pass on the lessons we give fullness to life and meaning to lives especially our own.
Our lives are filled with joys and challenges, sometimes disaster and sometimes loss and all the while it is flexible helping us to go on and achieve more and live more and hopefully give more. All we have is ourselves, but if we give of ourselves it is the most generous gift we could ever give!
RIP Cuz Wendy, forever love!