…is a wonderful thing! It’s what we all wish we could do! To be unencumbered when we love, to give love freely to love for the sake of love is something that most of us will spend our lives trying to achieve. We do so cause we are driven to. It is what God desires of us. Even those of us who feel we want to give up, still know within our hearts that we cannot. However, because we are so confused, tired and unsure, many of us practice giving love in a manner that while we think it is the aforementioned style, it is more like “love without control”. Is there a difference? you bet there is. At first glance it may not seem like it, and surely those who do it believe very much so, that they are giving good wholesome loving. It is not wholesome, it is not even loving, it is destructive!
When we are afraid we will not get what we want, we move into control mode. We start to orchestrate things, people situations to fall into place giving us the illusion that we have what we desire. We give unwanted advice, we correct what we perceive as mistakes, we resist their ideas in favor of our own, we are intolerant of certain things and at the end of the day we find it hard to accept that which does not fit into our idea of what love should be. And then, there are those of us who become extremely passive. Going with whatever flow is established, but in a passive aggressive way. So, here is a thought, a thought that I think is pivotal to understanding the difference between loving without a limit and loving without control, and that is love is NOT an idea. Sitting and imagining how love should be and what makes up love will not bring love to you or assure you have love. Love is something that you feel, you sense love, love is a sensation. As such, no amount of controlling and cajoaling can bring love to you and what’s even worse because deep down you know this, it tends to make you control even more.
Love has no need, love has no want and love certainly has no need of control, in fact love helps relinquish control, because as I have said before, love is not of the ego, love is of the SPIRIT. One love!!
While we still may not be able to answer with a concise, definitive definition what love IS, I can tell you WHEN you have love. Being able to stop measuring people up to your expectations is a huge start. For those who would disagree with you and offer you their reasoning, you would see this as a positive and not as an opportunity to learn more from them and not as a chance to sharpen your next stinging verbal response. You no longer spend your time calculating what will be your next move, which will in fact lessen your stress and bring you much needed mental relief. Your patience increases, which will help you to stop holding grudges and lessen your resentment. One of the biggest thing you may discover is that all along you may have been caring for someone without REALLY CARING for that person. You got that? Yes, it happens. When you set love as an ideal to be achieved instead of to be naturally felt this can very easily happen. Control freaks take note! Love is not a state in which you set goals for. We set goals to improve on ourselves. By that very nature, when you set a goal for love you set yourself up for failure. As I said before, love is a sensation that happens naturally and needs no accoutrements to facilitate it. Our ego needs that. Since we try to accomplish our goals in the shortest time and in the most efficient way, when love has not come to us in what we think the time frame should be, we immediately think we are a failure and for a lot of us that is where the control freak kicks in, because we MUST make it happen. Love has no need, love has no want and love certainly has no need of control, in fact love helps relinquish control, because as I have said before, love is not of the ego, love is of the SPIRIT. One love!!