Yesterday I started on what will prove to be a series of entries on what in my opinion, is a much needed view on happiness and how the new generation including mine, believe that a relationship is the key to achieve this. So last I left we were chasing fairytales, lol. Anyway, today I am going to focus on the things we do to get a relationship so as to secure our happiness. I know these actions don’t work because I did some of them, and what’s more not only do they not bring happiness they bring something totally unexpected and that is self-doubt. I will jump right into it and say stop the “serial monogamy and mock-marriages.”. Why are we trying to just date someone a couple of times or have a couple of telephone conversations and poof, pow, instant couple, look at us now! We go on a date or two and next thing we know we are exclusive and of course this is it we are now fully on our way to a committed relationship and marriage is in the near horizon. This to me is one of the most dangerous thing we can do cause it wreaks havoc on us emotionally. When problems arise and some problems may be ones that have no solution, we spend endless time and energy trying to solve it and like a sink draining water we are spiraling down the drain with it. We feel the desperate need to make this relationship fit because we refuse to be single again and be what, unhappy! We have to define what our requirements are for a mate and date a variety of people and trust that this will work to help us narrow the field. Once we have good potential mates we can give ourselves plenty of time to date before we become committed. This process increases love for our self because we respect our self and that in turn brings us happiness.
As the title of this entry read “rescue me and take me in your arms…” is a wildly popular hit by Aretha Franklin, that even today can go up against any song and hold its own. However too many of us are taking it literally. We are steady looking for someone to rescue us from so many things, and if we get that relationship where that person promises to rescue us from our woes then bam! instant happiness. If someone would come into our lives and help us with our emotional difficulties and our financial difficulties and not to mention cure our loneliness, then yes we will be on cloud nine that’s how happy we will be. We will be happy and fulfilled, my, my, my who could ask for anything more. You better, because if you accept such a situation, when other issues start to show up and they will trust me, the skills you NEVER learned on how to solve the previous problems will still be absent with these new problems and now you will have a compound issue. Now you can throw desperation into the mix along with the mother of them all neediness! Whose happy now!? If I have said it once I will say it a million more times, we have GOT to define and decide on what we “want for our lives, our vision” before we ever even think of getting into a relationship. So it totally makes sense that getting into a relationship to solve these issues is a powder keg waiting to explode. Take inventory on your self and work diligently on resolving any issues that keeps you from your own personal happiness. If you don’t feel totally whole, bringing someone into your life thinking they will be the other half you need to be happy will not work. I know!!! I have learned and I put this on everything, put yourself in a position of “choice and want not need.” Need creates desperation and we all know what happens when we pick or except something in desperation.
While I have had personal experience with these, you don’t have to. Remember friends don’t let friends date dumb!!!