When did we go from wanting comfort and security to believing in life we MUST be happy and to get or achieve this happiness it MUST be through a relationship? When I listen to my mother, who by the way has been married for 58 years, together with my dad for 61, she does not speak of wanting to get married for happiness. She speaks about it as the rational and smart thing to do to achieve a level of comfort and security. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Knowing that you will walk through life with someone who is willing to share this journey with you. Security was paramount as well. People back then thought about their older years and how it would be if they were single. They contemplated how much they could achieve alone and not just the financial aspect of it, but the mental of it as well. You see, they firmly believed till you had a partner to sort of center you, you were liable to fall prey to any and everything. Be you man or woman you benefited equally in having a significant other to keep you secure from yourself and other alike. Having a relationship was never what they waited on to be happy. I never heard my mother say I was unhappy till the day I met your father, lol. She may just say the opposite, ok, just jokes, but no she doesn’t see it that way. She always says “happiness is what I choose to feel for myself no matter what.”
So, fast forward 50 years to now and all you can hear people saying and believing is that in order to start living and enjoying life and yes being happy, they must be in a relationship. I guess it would follow suit that to get married they would become ecstatic. YET, they are NOT! Divorces are higher than ever. I’ll tell you why they are not happy. It is my firm belief that people, things, situations, money, wealth, do not make you happy. Neither does achieving a marriage or achieving a marriage for those things make you truly happy. Happiness like my mother says is a state of being. Happiness like love and care is an unquantifiable state. It needs nothing to exist.
It might not be such a big deal if we discovered that true self happiness is not found in a relationship, but it is what we do to get this that is a big deal. We are increasingly doing things that in a way “sets us up for failure” or traps us and actually makes us unhappy. Example, we are portraying ourselves both physically and verbally as something we are simply not. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for doing whatever you feel physically that will give you a great sense of self comfort, but it’s when you do it in hopes of attracting a mate that it becomes in my eyes “selling the package”. Remember my post about authenticity? If they buy your dream package, then when the package is unwrapped what will they have, a nightmare? Be who you are and you will attract people who are like you. At the end of the day you will feel the most comfortable with yourself and extremely happy to know that you are loved and admired for exactly who you are. Oh and by the way another failure trap you can avoid by doing this is the one that says there is a scarcity of partners out there. Once you are real with who you are, simply proceed in life with that fantastic attitude and your own personal joy and happiness and entertain no one unless they compliment this attitude. Do not create a self-fulfilling prophecy and promote this saying. Persevere, trust and stay the course and believe like Jimmy Cliff said, “You can get it if you really want, but you must try.”
I am just getting started, but again it’s only a daily entry so come back tomorrow when I continue this blog entry. If you want more, feel free to tell me you want more. However, before I go one more for you. Once you have done the above and you feel like dang, I am ready. and you sit there like Snow White or if you are a man, the frog from the Princess and the Frog, urrrrrkkkkksssss hold it. This ain’t no fairytale! This is real life and the story has only just begun. You have to still get out there cause if you remain still, only what comes to you will be your choices. How many people do you know go through life looking for a sure thing. That’s what you will appear to them, a sure thing! Who puts any effort in getting a sure thing? Mostly, who values a sure thing? It’s very name lets you know it requires nothing and that’s just what you will get in return NOTHING! So get out there and take personal responsibility for your choices. Put in place effective strategies and mostly be the chooser instead of being chosen cause you never know if all you are to that person choosing you is a sure thing!