Remember that popular hook from LL Cool J’s song? If I could be a fly on the wall of your mind, I am almost positive that most of you when reading this immediately thought of the object of your desire and it was more than likely NOT YOU! Oh, and before I get slapped in the face with “I love God”, realize this, if you love yourself you love God, because he created you, and to love and honor yourself is to give honor and love to HIM. So, for the purposes of this post, I am talking about our interpersonal and intrapersonal views.
Some might say that to actively proclaim love for one’s self is vain and egotistical and they could be right because it is not the proclamation but the action that counts. I know some of you have already glossed over and said “of course I love myself. If I don’t love me who will.” That is just the point! Point in case, if you have uttered phrases like, “I care too much” or “why do people always treat me this way” and this one is one I used to say all the time “you are gonna miss me when I am gone” and guess what a year later, I haven’t gone anywhere. Remember my first post, Journey of Authenticity, well examine how authentic your self love is. If you say these phrases, any or all of them, then I can assure you it is not, and I can also assure you that your life is no doubt filled with tug-o-war relationships, passive aggressive behavior, heartbreak, anger, regret and disappointment.
So what does lack of true self love have to do with lets say the comment “I care too much”. A lot! Caring too much in my opinion is sort of an oxymoron. If you care you care. I believe that when you feel that you have cared too much it is usually after the object of your caring spurns you or somehow does things that shows a total disregard of your feelings. Could it be that you are using your intense caring to solicit love? Affection even? I am here to tell you that this is the problem. Care should be given because it is needed, deserved and merited regardless of who or what a person does or gives. Care need not be earned. As human beings we have become adept in using many, many things and situations to elicit love to ourselves, because we lack true love of ourselves. Love should come to us, not us go in search of love. So many of us use “EXTREME” caring, that is caring where we give more than we are comfortable with giving, more than our finances, time and even emotions can afford to give in hopes that we will get back LOVE. Of course the person getting it happily takes it and more and more of it because more than likely at the time you were giving it they were in a low point and it was a lifesaver. Some even become addicted to your “extreme” care because they too are suffering from lack of self love and next thing you know you have a toxic situation, this is one I know all to well, but that is a different story for a different time. However, it is the ones who walk away from us usually because they feel stronger and more in control most likely due to our “extreme” care, that give us cause for pause. We give them some incredibly strong medicine and they are ready to go and we are thinking, “where are you going?, stay with me. I have what you need. You need me, and if you need me then you should actually love me.” Think about it, most of us do not give “extreme” care to everyone we meet. It’s only those that we feel that we need something in return from that we go overboard with. In life everything must be balanced. My mother constantly says “too much of one thing is good for nothing”. We may not want to admit it, but if we are honest with ourselves we will. Care like love needs and wants of nothing to exist and by the same token owes nothing to no one. So this is why it cannot truly “get” you anything, but giving it truly and purely may surely bring you much. I learned this lesson crystal clear this year. It is now solidified in my mind that my ability to give and care when many walk away is a blessing. It is my new found knowledge of self that stops me from crossing the line, and go from my style of caring, into the dangerous territory of trying to solicit love. This makes me know without a shadow of a doubt that when I hear those words “Who do you love?” I say ME. “Are you sure?”, without a shadow of a doubt and that ain’t no ego!